Black Derby
Posted in Uncategorized on 01/27/2007 12:38 am by admin
Black Derby
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Upon receiving your invitation
The twelve-foot walk from mailbox to front door felt mile-long that Indian Summer Monday, as I clenched your delicate proposal to my palpitating heart. The laminated pearls — or were they pressed lilacs? — were overshadowed by my fear of intimacy.
“You are cordially invited to help us warm our new home,” your invitation beckoned to me as I clutched my doorknob. “Please RSVP at your earliest convenience.”
Beyond the three panel window in my cluttered den, the watercolor richness of dusk crept in and swallowed the sun. Temperatures dropped, and night painted combat boots blasting black clouds of manic desperation against the horizon. My 60-watt desk lamp would be no match for this battle of Mind vs Nature, but it would hold its own nevertheless.
For three excruciating days, I agonized over the detrimental details of my inability to be normal and pondered the sanest way to respond. Should I concede to the etiquette guruisms of Emily Post or heed the cumulative advice of thousands of dollars worth of therapists? Be the good girl Mommy always wanted, or embrace my inner brat?
After exhausting the art of the pro/con list, I wrote and re-wrote (and again re-wrote) my regrets. My procrastination had left no time for the post office. E-mail, though tacky, would have to suffice.
Version I: The Truth, in Grave Detail
Allow me to preface my guilt with an explanation: it’s not you, it’s me. Intellectually I know it is perfectly normal for a friend of five years to invite me to her housewarming party. Yet, my gut is rumbling at the thought of entering your cohabitation, your sacred ground. Your boyfriend’s boxers in the hamper, the toilet seat left lifted, the His and Hers porn collections: I just don’t think I could handle being in the presence of these possibilities. Thus, I hope you’ll understand that I can’t make it. But I wish you all the happiness it’s possible to have living with a man who uses your toothbrush to detail his earwax.
Version II: The Lie, in Even Greater Detail
Darn it all, but I just realized I have a prior commitment on the day of your housewarming party. It seems my friend Gloria, who you haven’t met because she is agoraphobic and rarely has dinner parties, is having a dinner party that evening. Since Gloria lives on the other side of the state, and I’ll have to take two trains and a bus to get there, there isn’t even the possibility that I can swing by your party first and show up at her party late. Please don’t feel betrayed, as I am not choosing her over you. I simply can’t bring myself to say no to her, due to her agoraphobia and the great bravery it’s taken her to open her home to the intimate group of us she’s extended this invitation to. Plus, she did ask me first. And really, I only now noticed the conflict. My bad. But I hope your party is grand, and that you’ll post lots of pictures on your Facebook wall.
Version III: The Polite Thing To Do
Thank you so much for inviting me to your housewarming party next Saturday. As much as I would love to be there, I have a previous engagement. I’m sure the place is beautiful, and I look forward to seeing it another time. I’m certain the party will be lovely, as all your parties are. My best to Steve, and congrats again on your new home.
Only you know me well enough to know which version I sent.
About the Author
Amy Derby writes from Chicago where she lives with her pet rabbits Ginsberg, Kerouac, and Burroughs. For more, visit: http://amyderby.org
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A series of filmed home run contests between two sluggers of the late 1950s/early 1960s, one National Leaguer, one American Leaguer. The batters had to swing at every pitch in the strike zone. Any called strike or batted ball that did not go for a home run was an out... |
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Derby Brogues in Black $19 Derby Brogues in Black |
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Derby Hat $29.99 An excellent quality derby for all occasions! Black Derby Hat is available in sizes Small,Medium,Large,and X-Large. |
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Black Deluxe Glitter Derby hat $7.99 Black Deluxe Glitter Derby hat |
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Black Deluxe Glitter Derby Hat $7.99 Black Deluxe Glitter Derby Hat |
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Black Satin Derby Hat - Derby Hats $9.07 This Black Satin Derby Hat is the perfect thing for your steampunk costume! |
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Durashape? Derby Hat for Child $6.97 Features a black derby with black hat band. |
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Derby Doll $2.99 Derby Doll Vinyl Sticker Bruised and bashed Roller Derby girl, tattoo style! She has a black eye, a scraped face, and a knocked out tooth... she can dish it out as well as take it -- she's Derby all the way! Her helmet's on like she's ready for more. T |
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Derby Cover $149.95 Covington's Customs Derby Cover CNC-machined from billet aluminum Includes mounting hardware Choose from brilliant chrome or black finish |
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Derby Rolling Corner TV Stand in Black Finish $217.83 Derby Rolling Corner TV Stand in Black Finish |
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Derby Dapper $1.6 Don the proper attire for a day at the races! This fun Kentucky Derby Day party invitation is sleek black with multi-color jockey uniforms at the top. Coordinating enclosure cards and envelope lining are available. |
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Black Derby Hat - Costume Hats $9.86 Black Derby Hat - Top off your costume with this ritzy Black Glitter Derby Hat! Covered with sparkly, mesh material with ribbon around rim. Adult Std size. |
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Kentucky Derby Lunch Napkins Pkg/24 $2.99 Our Kentucky Derby Luncheon Napkins feature the Kentucky Derby icon on a black napkin with a red border. Each package of twenty five Kentucky Derby Luncheon Napkins are made of paper and measure 6 1/2 inches square. Use the Kentucky Derby Luncheon Napkins at your derby viewing party. |
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Kentucky Derby Beverage Napkins Pkg/24 $2.99 Our Kentucky Derby Beverage Napkins feature the Kentucky Derby icon on a black napkin with a red border. Each package of twenty five Kentucky Derby Beverage Napkins are made of paper and measure 5 inches square. Use the Kentucky Derby Beverage Napkins at your derby viewing party. |
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Black Finned Billet Derby Cover $79.95 Joker Black Finned Billet Derby Cover Available in a variety of designs Includes mounting hardware Made in the U.S.A |
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Black Felt Derby Hat - Set of 2 $19.8 These black derby hats are perfect for dance performances, plays or other events. |
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Liverpool Black Leather Derby Shoes $473 Smooth black leather in an artesanal construction with black leather laces create an elegant Derby suitable for any formal occasion. Signature box included. Made in Italy. |
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Black Leather Derby Shoes $620 Smooth black leather crafted into a round toe derby shoe offers classic elegance with everyday comfort. Leather soles with rubber inserts for better traction will make these derbies your new favorite shoes. Signature box included. Made in Italy. |
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Kentucky Derby 7 Plates Pkg/8 $2.49 Our Kentucky Derby Dessert Plates feature the Kentucky Derby icon a black plate with a red border. Each package of eight Kentucky Derby Dessert Plates are made of paper and measure 7 inches in diameter. The Kentucky Derby Dessert Plates are perfect when snacking while watching the The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports! |
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Kentucky Derby 9 Plates Pkg/8 $2.99 Our Kentucky Derby Dinner Plates feature the Kentucky Derby icon a black plate with a red border. Each package of eight Kentucky Derby Dinner Plates are made of paper and measure 9 inches in diameter. The Kentucky Derby Dinner Plates are perfect when feasting while watching the The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports! |
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Black Derby Hat - Costume Accessories $8.24 Black Derby Hat Looking for a great complement to your already awesome Steampunk costume? Try adding this black Steampunk Derby Hat! Its sure to round off your look! Gender: Male Age: Adult Type: Costume-Accessory Size: Adult Std. Color: As Shown |
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Kentucky Derby Frosted Cups Pkg/25 $10.99 These Kentucky Derby Frosted Cups feature a frosted cup with the Kentucky Derby icon on a black background. Each package of twenty five Kentucky Derby Frosted Cups are made of plastic and will hold 10 ounces of your favorite beverage. Celebrate the Kentucky Derby with these Kentucky Derby Frosted Cups. These cups will coordinate perfectly will all our Kentucky Derby party supplies. |
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Maltese Cross Derby Cover $179.95 NYC Choppers Maltese Cross Derby Cover Billet aluminum derby covers with a raised Maltese Cross design Available in Black powder-coat w/chrome cross, Black powder-coat w/gold cross or all Chrome design Made in the U.S.A |
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Kentucky Derby Stories $14.93 They say every Derby has its story. It could be a remarkable trainer, a last-place finish for a first-place horse, or a newfound overseas interest in the race. Whatever the subject, the legends and history of each year's run create the enthusiasm and drive that bring thousands back time and time again. And just like its counterparts--the Super Bowl, the World Series, and the Indy 500-there are legends and stories to be told that exemplify the fervor that begins in Louisville nearly a whole month before the race. Kentucky Derby Stories captures that spirit with fifteen stories, both old and new, that feature the best moments in the Derby's history. Author Jim Bolus spotlights the men and women who began and maintained the race-from the black jockeys to "Mr. Derby" Col. Matt Winn to Ben Jones, the Derby's most-remembered trainer. This collection also focuses an eye on the runners, some whose greatness was a surprise to all. Some have been geldings, others competitors in famed rivalries, and there are those who came from nowhere to win the race. No matter what the circumstances in the victory, Bolus takes note of the most memorable horses decorating the winners circle. Finally, this compilation looks at the unique elements of the Derby as seen over more than a century. Who are the celebrities who attend and have their stake in the race? What overseas nation is taking a winner's interest in the Derby? These are just a few of the unpredictable sides of the run that Bolus and his stories introduce. Sportswriter and Derby historian Jim Bolus recounts some of the crowning moments at Churchill Downs. From the first official race in 1875 to today's Derby, these stories present the beginnings of the traditions that continue to make up the Derby's history. Amusing, and inspiring, Kentucky Derby Stories is a reminiscent look back for aficionados and a glimpse at a piece of Americana for newcomers. ABOUT THE AUTHOR The late Jim Bolus, who attended his 37th Kentucky Derby in 1996, hadn't missed the race in more than 20 years. Dubbed a "Doctor of Derbyology" by one newspaper reporter, Bolus also wrote Derby Dreams, Remembering the Derby, Derby Fever, and Derby Magic, all published by Pelican. |
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Derby Time Derby Wall Clock by CafePress $15 Limited Edition Derby Wall Clock Decorate any room in your home or office with our 10 inch wall clock. Black plastic case. Requires 1 AA battery included. |
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At the Derby $24.99 At the Derby - Photographic Print |
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Kentucky Derby Icon Balloons Pkg/10 $5.99 The Kentucky Derby Latex Balloons feature the Kentucky Derby Icon in black on a gold latex balloon. Each package of ten Kentucky Derby Balloons measure 11 inches and are made of latex. Use the Kentucky Derby Latex Balloons to great fantastic balloon bouquets when you combine them with solid color balloons. These balloons will coordinate perfectly will all our Kentucky Derby party supplies. |
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Scala Derby WF506 (Men's) - Black $44.95 The Derby hat is a wool felt hat that has a 12-Ligne grosgrain trim, satin lined, and a bound edge 2" brim. It also has Scala Leather Sweat. Available Colors: Black, Charcoal, Chocolate. |
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Humes & Berg 120BK Stonelined Series Black Trombone Derby Mute $32.99 Humes & Berg 120BK Stonelined Series Black Trombone Derby Mute |
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Humes & Berg 120Bk Stonelined Series Black Trombone Derby Mute $32.99 Humes & Berg 120BK Stonelined Series Black Trombone Derby Mute |
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Black Plastic Derby $1.98 Classic Hats: Cool Style! Complete any costume with a classic bowler derby hat. One size fits most adults. Approximately 23" circumference around inside of hat. Made of plastic. Our unique costume accessories are just what you're looking for. We have the accessories for your outfit that people will remember and admire. Part of Costumes > Hats & Wigs > Top Hats, Derbies, & Fedoras |
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Black Velour Glittered Derby $2.98 Classic Hats: Cool Style! Complete any costume with a glitter bowler derby hat. One size fits most adults. Approximately 23" circumference around inside of hat. Made of plastic backed velour. Our unique costume accessories are just what you're looking for. We have the accessories for your outfit that people will remember and admire. Part of Costumes > Hats & Wigs > Top Hats, Derbies, & Fedoras |
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Chintaly Imports DERBY-LNG Derby Leather Lounge Chair $469 Derby Leather Lounge Chair by Chintaly Imports DERBY-LNG. Finish: Black and ChromeSpecificationThis item includes:CI-DERBY-LNG Derby Leather Lounge Chair 24W x 69D x 27HPlease refer to the Specifications to determine what items are included since sometimes the image shows more or less items. If you are not sure, please contact us and our customer service will be glad to help. |
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Waterfall Derby Cover $144.95 Carl Brouhard Designs Waterfall Derby Cover High-quality 5-hole covers that scream "custom" Constructed of 6061 T6 aluminum Available in three distinct styles; chrome, black-anodized and re-machined black finish Easy installation Made in the U.S.A. Click Here for matching Carl Brouhard Designs products |
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Black Leather Cap-Toe Derby Shoes $565 Smooth black leather in a sleek cap-toe design with derby lacing exudes classic masculinity and power elegance. Signature dust bag included. Made in Italy. |
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Bailey of Hollywood English Derby 6109 (Men's) - Black $186.95 This hat is a classic english derby style hat with a stingy roll brim and an accenting band around the hat. Available Colors: Cordova, Black. |
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Lefty Derby Cover $134.95 Carl Brouhard Designs Lefty Derby Cover High-quality 5-hole (99-10) and 3-hole (84-98) covers that scream "custom" Constructed of 6061 T6 aluminum Available in two distinct styles with chrome or black-anodized finish Easy installation Made in the U.S.A. Click Here for matching Carl Brouhard Designs products |


US $99.99
















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